Fig #355

Daily painting #354. Watercolor, ink and pen on A5 watercolor paper

Today I find myself 10 days away from reaching 365 days of daily paintings...I can't believe a year has gone by so fast! The closer I get to this little milestone, the more contemplative I become over Paintings in the post, my daily painting journey and just what it all means to me! I have offered to do a daily painting demonstration for my painting students and the big day is tomorrow!
I have painted many times with people watching (but not for Paintings in the post...other than family peeping over my shoulder) so I have been puzzled today by the slight anxiety I am feeling at painting tomorrow with an audience! It has been niggling at me all day...is it the fear of failure...is it the fear of criticism....is it exposing myself in front of others to the roller coaster ride of emotions ("this will never work...yes maybe this can work") that daily painting pushes you through (I have written about this before) ...will the adrenaline help me produce something good or will tomorrow be a daily painting flop? When doing a painting demonstion one is normally quite organized and will know in advance what you are painting and have some ideas milling in your head as to how you might approach the painting. Well true to almost 365 days of daily painting, I have no idea yet what I will paint tomorrow ...I wish I did...and perhaps that is what is niggling at me?
I resisted painting in oils today. I haven't done a little watercolor sketch since my trip to England when travelljng with wet oil paintings was just not practical. I have no training with watercolors, but I love to play. I should refer to them as mixed media because although I use mainly watercolor, I also tend to add a bit of ink, pencil and pen in too if I feel like it. I find the process quite delicate and soothing and today it was good for my soul! It was also good for clearing my jumble of questions and easing my anxiety about tomorrow's painting demonstration. I realized that my nervousness has nothing to do with any of the above concerns and everything to do with the fact that tomorrow I will let a whole lot of people (special people at that) into my little haven. Daily painting has become like a meditative ritual ...a time of day when I can be alone with my thoughts and my often chaotic headspace. It is my breathing space in the day....my time for reflection ...my soul food ....my time to calm and restore (even when the paintings don't work!). Tomorrow I am opening up this very personal space and sharing it with others....and I feel nervous!

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